Laser Hair Removal

Anyone had laser hair removal? You know, the permanent (it's not), painless (it's not) outrageously expensive (it is) solution to unwanted hair.

I signed up for some sessions a few years ago. Nothing dramatic. Just got the 'edges' done so I'm not caught short when the kids say 'Hey Mum, let's go to the pool'. Saves the panic of digging through the bathroom cupboards, desperately looking for some cold wax strips, not to mention arriving at the pool with two angry red stripes outlining my crotch area, screaming 'helloooooo!' to everyone I see.

The razor is just not an option. Easy now but pay later with rashes and in-growns - you know what I'm talking about.

So I'm at my first appointment and they convince me, for a mere extra $100 a session, I can have my underarms done too. (Note, there is a good sales strategy in this because at this point you have no idea what your in for and the promise of hair-free pits for a measly $400 does seem like value. If it had worked....)

The beautician has me locked in a small room and explains the procedure.
'It works best with dark hair on pale skin. Do you have relatively dark pubic hair?', she enquires.
'I don't really know. I don't really see a lot of other people's pubic hair.'
'I wish I could say the same thing....' she muses, staring into the distance.
I'm about to suggest that perhaps she's in the wrong job, then remember I'm about to strip down to my underwear and she'll be the one wielding the machine that inflicts pain. I bite my lip.

Session three and while I'm rather vulnerable, in underwear and sun-goggles to protect my eyes from the laser, she purrs:
'So....I'm surprised a girl like you hasn't had Botox yet?'
Yes, thank you very much! I'll decide if and when I'm ready to work my way through your menu. Thank you.