Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Sarcasm or sincerity?

So I got this note under my car windscreen.

I was leaving the office and Elle was with me. From a distance, it almost looked like a ticket. For once, it wasn't.

It was perplexing. I had parked adjacent to a narrow driveway, but snuggled forward as far as I could go. I thought I was fine. But it did seem slightly strange to thank someone on doing the right thing. Elle had her money on sarcastic. I had been aware of the tight space and tried my best. I struggled not to feel vilified. Anyway, maybe she was wrong.

At home, Geoff took Elle's side. Bugger. Maybe I was wrong?

Late last week, my business partner Mandy and I were heading back into the office after a meeting and passed the site where the note had been issued. We're usually too focused on work to chat about such trivialities, but as we were strolling past, I relayed the tale.

Oh, she said with confidence. That was sincere.
How do you know? I asked, in complete awe of her wisdom.
Because I parked there once and was hanging over a bit. Not only did I get a ticket but the guy who lives there was out the front calling the towing company. I think he has them on speed-dial.

So there you go people. There's no need to always assume the worst after all.

Monday, 19 October 2015

Myth busted!

Perhaps like you, I suspected much of my misfortune with my car was karma. When I sold my van, I gave in to the sin of vanity and bought a Porsche. There. I've said it.

In fairness, it was second hand and for the same price I could have had a brand spanking new VW Tiguan (which is pretty much the same as the Cayenne) but I work in advertising and goddamit, I'd been driving a van with sliding doors for four years - I wanted the Porsche!

Since then, as you know, I've copped more parking fines than most people would believe humanly possible. It's been rear ended and Eleanor might have mounted a curb and smacked a pole in her attempt to drive - in fact, while we were in Alaska, my car was enjoying an extended break at the panel beaters. I've replaced the windscreen and the tyres (we could have had a holiday in Bali for the same cost of the latter). The keys got locked in it in remote South Australia (that was also an expensive exercise), we had to have it towed recently after a lovely Sunday lunch in the Yarra Valley (turned out that may not have been absolutely necessary but guaranteed had we not, it would have been something major) and of course, most recently, it was towed from a clearway.

Yes, I too thought it was this car that brought be bad motoring karma and was cursed.

Until I got this in the post last week.....

Yes, that's right - I was in Sydney -  in a HIRE car. Not fancy. In fact, I can't even remember what it was - it was just the cheapest mid-size car available. And yes, that is a fine of $319!!! Outrageous. We all know Sydney's expensive - and hard to drive around - so this was just the icing on the cake. Next time I'll just hire a limo and a driver. It'll be cheaper.

So maybe it's me and not my car after all.

Anyway, no doubt you've also heard VW have had a little bit of an issue with emissions testing, fraud and what have you, plus a big class action brewing so perhaps the Cayenne wasn't the wrong choice after all.

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

The Thief

A strange thing happened today.

I'd worked at home during the morning and arranged to collect my colleagues on the way to a client meeting. I parked on the main road near the office, which is lined with cafes, antique shops and fancy-pants boutiques.

I was a little early so shot them a text to say where I was - no hurry.

It was about then than I noticed a women pulling a dress off a coat hanger, calmly placing the hanger in the bin right at the front of my car and then stuffing the dress, along with some other garment, into her very large, very full, very expensive Mimco bag.

My immediate reaction was that she'd nicked the dress.

She was smartly dressed with nice clothes, groomed hair, good make up and painted nails. She was also of sub-Continental ethnicity. I chastised myself - was I being racist? Perhaps she just doesn't want her husband to know she's bought more thing... she looked like she could afford it.

I kept an eye on her as did the older gentleman, probably from the antique shop, catching some sun near the bin. She casually walked up the street and I noticed the gentleman 'subtely' taking photos of her. He'd obviously had the same thought as me.

She then strolled to the tram stop and looked up the street for a bus or tram.

It was too much for me. I jumped out of the car and looked in the bin. Yep - coat hanger with fancy brand - the kind of brand where you don't get much chance from a $1000 for a dress. I ran the few doors down to the boutique looking for a sales assistant. I found her - up the back on the phone - just as the bus was pulling up.

Excuse me... I pleaded in desperation.
Hang on darl, I'll need to call you back, she said with clear annoyance and hung up. Yes?
Did you sell that woman a dress? Otherwise she just stole it.
That got her attention.

We ran outside and the woman was in clear vision on the bus which was stopped at the red light.

Which woman? The girl asked.
That one right there in front of us, I said.
The woman started gesticulating to the effect of 'I'm coming back' - cool as a cucumber!
I think I know that woman, the girl said.
So did you sell her a dress - if not, run to the front door and stop the bus.
Panic. Silence. Nothing. Light green - bus gone.
Fuck me that girl was useless.

Meanwhile, the gentleman arrives on the scene with the coat hanger and tag in his hand and photos of the thief on his phone.

My colleagues arrive and we head off to the meeting. Nothing to see here.

I really want to ring the head office of this brand. I think I'm more appalled by the the slackness of the staff than the theft itself!! One was out the back - fair enough - but the muppet I was dealing with was at the very back of the shop on the phone and looking the wrong way!! I could have grabbed a few frocks myself had I been so inclined.

I'll think about it. But if it were my business, I think I'd hope someone would tell me.

PS My proofreader Penny is a little under the pump this week - so I've not bothered her with this. Please excuse typos!!!

The Moroccan Bath

The girls and I have come up to Dubai for a few days to escape the Melbourne winter. It's in the 40s so we've thawed out - quickly. ...