The Conference

I went to Brisbane for a three-day conference last week - on the topic of cemeteries and crematoria. Yes, it's Latin - singular is crematorium and plural, I figure, is crematoria. See! I learnt something before I even got there!

There was some really interesting stuff! I had no idea that there were so many vessels you can keep ashes in, even jewellery. I once looked at having some of Jaz converted into a diamond, but then panicked that I might lose it. Irrational, I know, but it did stop me. As you may know, our family ritual is taking some of George and Jaz's ashes with us when we travel and sprinkling a bit at picturesque or significant places. However, the majority of them rests in beautiful, antique boxes on a bookshelf in Elle's bedroom.

I also learnt that these days, cremation is far more popular than burial. However, if you are considering burial, how's this iPhone tombstone? It's made of granite and looks amazing. Apparently, it was made and installed as a bit of a stunt but has attracted many genuine enquiries.

Yep - an iPhone headstone!

The session on exploding batteries contained within tiny defibrillators was also fascinating. These things are so small they actually place them in your ventricle - which is why they're hard to spot 'after the event' so to speak. I've since learnt that most people know what 'cadaver' means - but as I didn't, and it had been used several times regarding testing of said battery explosions, I did a discreet Google - which also brought up some images.... eek!!!!

We also learnt that if you hear a high-pitched noise in the mortuary, it may be the defibrillator alarm, indicating that the "patient could be in trouble'.... the presenter recalled she was at a cemeteries convention, not a medical one and hastily added, "Actually, probably not really in any trouble."

Should this occur, the manufacturer was giving away branded magnets shaped like flat doughnuts that you can run over the deceased chest to turn it off. Bet you didn't know that!!

Before going to the conference, I had thought QR codes on headstones was a brilliant idea. People wandering through a cemetery could scan the code and get a potted version of the occupant's story. I was more than a little sad to discover not only had this been thought of, it's now used quite widely.

Some of the supplier 'gifts' were gold. An attractive mug from the peeps who recycle all the metal collected after the cremation - you know, hips, fillings, that plate in the leg from that motorcycle accident in your 20s, that kind of thing. It's big business and returns money to cemeteries for various charitable services. The metal is sold to manufacturers. Seriously, I was looking at my gold ring and wondering if, in a previous lifetime, it was someone's fillings.... and I'm not game to think about what the mug may once have been.

It's an industry ripe for puns. A water bottle in my gift bag says 'Have a drink on us, you urned it' See what they did there?

Anyway, but now you may be wondering what the heck I was doing there. I've actually been appointed to a cemetery trust and figured this was a fast-track to immersing myself in the industry. It worked!