Shutting up shop

This place is just down the road from us - a couple of doors up from the wine bar.

Geoff and I had been at the tile shop a couple of weeks ago (yes, that renovation is finally getting underway!) to pick up some samples and I commented that the line "As a soft touch for getting you back to life" makes no sense at all.

I was a bit surprised when I was walking to the Post Office yesterday to see it had been shut down by the police for operating as a brothel. Those signs stuck on with red tape are from Victoria Police and the Magistrates Court. I won't post close-ups - even though it's clearly public - because it names the accused.

So why only a bit surprised? It's certainly not the first. 

Myrna's Relaxation Centre popped up in the strip more than ten years ago. Retail around here mostly consists of high-end antique shops, a florist, interior designers, upmarket gift and homeware stores and more recently, a myriad of cafes. I was suspicious of Myrna's from the start. Their front window was adorned with dated lace curtains and plastic flowers - not very day spa-like.

The owner of Myrna's saw Geoff in his work truck and asked if he could install a basin upstairs. He did and later confirmed that it was in fact, a front for an S&M brothel that had an array of racks, whips and other equipment upstairs.

What was surprising was when not long after, our neighbours came over one Friday night for fish and chips, small children in tow, and the guy casually asked if either of us had had a massage at Myrna's? (Dear god.)

As it happened, when he went in and asked for said massage, he was asked how 'hard' he likes it. He conceded he did indeed like it firm. They then asked if he liked it to 'hurt', to which he looked aghast and said 'No!' At that point, they realised he had no idea what was actually going on there so he got your straight forward massage. He was so impressed with it, that he went home and told his wife that she really should pop in and have one, too!

We enlightened him as to the true business going on at Myrna's and suddenly that strange exchange made perfect sense.

Anyway, back to yesterday.

I sent Geoff a text about the massage shop above and later that afternoon, when he was returning the tile samples, he spotted two more.

I had seen these places but had noted nothing more than the Kmart bedside tables in the window.

Speaking to some passing friends from the 'hood yesterday, we agreed that if there are brothels around this area, we really don't care, as long as they're licensed, regulated and the workers properly cared for. But I was surprised when one said she'd read in the paper that they'd had underage girls working there. Geoff confirmed he heard the same thing from the owner of the tile shop. And that's not funny.

Slavery in Australia's sex industry is apparently rife so I can only hope that with these raids and closures, any girls not there of their own free will have been liberated. It's shocking.

Weirdly entertaining

We camped up at King Valley at Easter - a region renowned for its wineries and food and it didn't disappoint - well, only a couple of times, but I'll save that for my next post.

What I'm desperate to share is the experience we had a Glenrowan at the Animated Theatre.

For those of you from further away, Glenrowan is famous as the place where Ned Kelly - a legendary and somewhat romanticised outlaw - was finally captured.

And true to Australian form, yes, like the Big Banana, the Big Pineapple, the Big Merino - there is a Big Ned in the main drag.

Elle, Sass ad me swapping up on Ned's adventures

There's more 'ned-morabilia' than you can shake a stick at. And some other shit that has no relevance to anything, such as these gems I spotted in two separate gift shops.

An authentic Buddha incense burner - right there
in Glenrowan. Exactly where I'd buy such a
relevant souvenir...

Reduced to $34.95, I was almost tempted to buy this -
how often do you see a horse with a flower and diamante bonnet,
glittery green eyelashes and a pink bracelet around its tail??
 

Anyway, back to the main story - we stumbled into the animated theatre that has a Ned Kelly show every 30 minutes. For a mere $99, this family of four saw something like we'd never seen before!

You basically move from room to room as a recorded narrator (sometimes a projected face onto a mannequin) tells a story that's sort of about Ned. Here are some snaps I took. I should have taken more but I was so bamboozled after this first room, I forgot. 

What is with the American Halloween theme?? There was rain at that window, a real blast of wind when mentioned in the story and a rat that popped out of the centre of the pumpkin.

I did manage to get a video of the fire in the bar.....

It was so odd. Even odder was after the 'show' had finished, we left the premises via one of the owner's lounge rooms (packed with Disney memorabilia, an enormous chandelier, puppets hanging from the ceiling, department-store sized Christmas decorations, the most massive flat screen TV I've ever seen) and bedroom. Seriously, I couldn't make this up.

Once out, I looked it up on Trip Advisor, which was equally as entertaining!

• Hands down the worst, most expensive tourist attraction in Australia. $32/head will allow you to see the best technology 1970 has to offer including a urinating robotic dog and a vomiting robotic man
• An authentic experience of highway robbery and a 30-minute hostage situation
• To hear the owners inappropriate commentary, then to walk through his living room and bedroom(with unmade bed) feels like I had my brains ripped out

So - look. If you're on a budget and after value, this isn't it. But if you're happy to spend the dollars, go in with an open mind and it will be blown!

Sluggin' it out

I have an indoor plant that wasn't doing so well so, I popped it under a tree outside for a while. It seemed to be on the recovery and I brought it back in.

I think I must have also brought in some hitchhikers and for the next couple of weeks, we could see where they'd been!

The silver trail of evidence

More on the fire screen

I found two of the offenders, cringing under the pot, and deposited them outside. But trails still appeared from the overnight antics of their slithering.

I'm not sure where the others were hiding, but we had slug trails all over the place - those little guys get around! Geoff was very unimpressed to find that they'd had a bit of an excursion all over one of his speaker.

And now they've stopped.

Vale slugs.

Tough love

Elle's has been nannying some kids over the summer who are, well, let's just say a little challenging.

Not one to be backwards, Elle has been taking them to task over their shabby behaviour, calling them out on every eye roll, sarcastic remark and pretty much treating them as we mothers would want. She knows she's not winning any favours with the kids, but frankly, bad luck.

However, not long before she was due to finish up, the mother took her aside.
The children have been really upset... she said quietly, so said children couldn't hear.
Here we go, thought Elle, I guess this day was always coming - the kids have complained. She braced herself for a reprimand.
... they're so sad that you're leaving. I know you can't stay full time, but I'm hoping you'll keep babysitting for us on a casual basis? 

Elle could come up with only one explanation; Stockholm Syndrome!!

One very angry woman

It was only yesterday that I was saying how packed the gym is - and with that, of course, comes a parking issue.

This morning was particularly bad.

The car park was full, so I pulled back out into the traffic and attempted to park on the road. There was a woman who let me into the traffic and then seemed to be cross that I was trying to park. With the light change, I moved forward and could see the parking sign that had been obscured by a tree - no parking until 9am.

I pulled back into the traffic - now behind said women - who then went NUTS!! Gesticulating like the picture below, shaking her head, waving her hands, ranting to herself - for a full light change. It was quite the show!

She absolutely went OFF, eyeing me in her rear vision mirror - so I just calmly held her gaze and sipped my latte - which seemed to make her even madder.

As the lights changed and she pulled away, her final salute was the bird.

Seriously, she hadn't been at all inconvenienced by me - the traffic was shite anyway - I can only think she hates her life. She needs to breathe - or maybe go to the gym?!!!

New Year's resolution

I don't go in for them myself, but clearly others do.

How do I know this? Because since the start of the year, the gym has been packed - and I mean, PACKED! I can barely carve out enough space in a Pump Class to execute a lunge and have to take care not to smack the people around me with the bar of weights.

It wasn't like this when I joined - in August. Yes, it was busy, but this has gone to a whole new level.

There's a 'token' system that I'd never seen before where you pick up one of a limited number of laminated cards to secure your place in the class and - I assumed - ensure it's not overcrowded and there are enough mats and weights and whatever for everyone. Not so.

The other morning, while awaiting a class, I noticed others had the tokens, and I didn't. Whoops! I ran back to the desk and asked if there were any left. No, I was told, but just go on in and see if you can get a space.

There wasn't even any prioritisation for those with tokens - it was free for all! Maybe they don't want to disappoint people?

Eleanor assures me it will drop off as the weeks go by and that by Easter, it should be back to normal.

Not to be discouraging, but I do wish they'd hurry up and let it go - now!!

End of an era

Sass started high school this week. Here she is!

Yes -  a bit of late bloomer, she looks like she could be going into Year 4 but she really is in Year 7. With a bit of lippy and a fake id, I swear half her friends could get into a night club! Whereas Sass can still eat from the kids' menu - no questions asked.

But the real milestone is that this is the first time in 19 years (yes - nineteen!!!) that we no longer have a child in primary school.

Nineteen consecutive years.

George started school in 1998 and we've been doing drop offs and pick ups ever since.

I'd love to say how many cakes I've baked, stalls I've manned and funds I've raised - but the truth is, not many!!

And according to market research segmentation, we are no longer classified as a 'Young Family' - the criterion being a child in primary school. We've finally evolved to 'Older Family' and 'Empty Nesters' is sill probably a decade away.

Lucky I like kids!