Best in Show

On our return flight from Hobart, we were seated in front of a couple of ladies who were clearly 'dog people'.

Geoff and I, both trying to read, could not help but over hear their booming, confident conversation on every aspect of their dogs, dog showing, specific dogs, new appointments to the administrative bodies of the dog world, etc.

Let me put it out there right now - I am not keen on dogs.

I couldn't see the ladies but imagined them as very large. Actually, a clue was the heaving around and grateful comments regarding the spare seat "I'll move over after take off and we can have the spare seat in the middle. Of course regulations are that you need to be in your allocated seat during take off in case it crashes and they can identify you from where you're strapped in." I think these ladies were in general, all over regulations.

We heard about the half dozen leads one wanted buy, some leg pads for another dog (what ever the hell they are?), transport cages and a disagreement as to weather dogs know their own lead and collar and therefore each has to be walked on its own or, if you have a house full of four-legged-friends, does the nearest one suffice?

They were clearly well travelled - and much of it on dog-related business. "Last time we went to Melbourne we travelled JetStar - lovely planes but they don't transport dogs." We heard about trips to Spain, Germany, America and New Zealand - that dog world is big! I started to wonder if they were judges at international dog shows. Then I wondered why I was wasting my wondering wondering that!!

On and on they boomed, much of it complete inane and I was glad I wasn't back there having to feign interest.
"I can tell you what will be happening at our place right now. Graham will be on the couch with the TV on, and BJ will be tucked in here (I assume she was indicating some nook or cranny on her ample self), Stella here, Pepper* here and Poppy* will be right up here!"
Seriously, who fucking cares??? But no, the companion did feel the need to respond with what she thought would happening in her recently departed household at this exact moment as well.

I heard all about Ginger's coat. "You'll never see a better coat - anywhere. I've trimmed it all back. But it'll grow," delivered with smug confidence.

The affection for the daughter of the other's dog "I love that dog. She'll never win anything at a show but she's a great little dog. I love her."

And finally, breeding and pups. "I had a bitch once, she'd have six, seven pups and not a drop of blood. Not even a whimper." Wow. Now there's an image I didn't need.

An hour later and a mere five pages of my book read, I glimpsed the ladies as we waited to disembark, and yep, my image of Roger's mistress from the Schmacko's ad was bang on!

* Some names have been changed - because I can't remember what they actually were.