Stumped

I pride myself in my ability to follow instructions. I spent years putting Lego together for George. I can construct an office chair from Officeworks and a wall of shelves from Ikea. If I pay attention, I can install a scanner or the latest version of Call of Duty onto a computer. I have read the manual for my car and can now use the navigation and the heater. I've made 2,000 piece jigsaws before. Geoff has charged me with programming the watering system. I'm just that kind of nerd!

Or I thought I was.

When we were in Thailand last year, I bought one of those lights that you put together yourself and is meant to look something like this....

In my excitement and liking the freestanding look, I bought 120 pieces - the mother of them all. The guy at the night market (says it all really - like he was ever going to see me again!) said it was easy to put together.

Well it's NOT!!!!

I have wasted at least two hours of my life that I will never get back and this is what it looks like so far.....

 

Aggggghhhhh!! I laid all the pieces on the floor as per the instructions below for all 120 pieces, and that didn't work. It was very confusing. Especially as the instructions say "have a play, be inventive!" For fuck's sake, I can't even get them in the right order!!!

Then it says start with the five and then turn it upside down 'like a bowl' and keep building. You can see it starts off looking okay, but then it becomes too complicated for my clearly decaying mind and I can't work out what goes where. I've had several goes at it and it still isn't making sense. I just keep thinking the pattern will become apparent - like in an IQ test. (There's a thought....)

I've even Googled it and no luck there either in finding anything that makes it the remotest bit clearer.

So if any of you are harbouring a child-genius who's brilliant at this kind of stuff, I'm prepared to pay money to have them put it together. Real money. Happy to negotiate. It'll probably cost more than the light - but that's NOT the point. My pride is at stake.

Sadly, I also have a sneaking suspicion I'm not not going to like it nearly as much as I did after eight beers and a green chicken curry in the Phuket night market at 11pm - but again, that's NOT the point!! Let's see if I can get it made and then worry about getting rid of it!

Message me peeps!

'About a grand...'

When Geoff and I renovated about fifteen years ago, (well, Geoff renovated and I gave instructions) we were struck by how many things cost 'about a grand'.

How much extra for those different windows?
How much for that pond?
How much to get those lights put in?
How much is that oven?

Seriously - I was starting to say it before I was even told, 'About a grand.'

The air-conditioning packed it in a few weeks back (you can see where this is going can't you?) and the repair guy arrived moments after the cool change  - of course. Melbourne has had the longest heatwave on record and we had no aircon.

It needs a new part, that costs 'About a grand.'

We're currently having some drawings done for the next round of renovations and I have a sneaking suspicion that ten years later, that 'about a grand' will now be music to my ears. I'm very afraid....