Here are mine.
I loved these boots when I saw them in a catalogue and rushed to the department store to grab a pair before I missed out. But could I get the zips done up over my generous calves (ie fat legs - I think I've mentioned hail damage and porridge poured into tights before now...) - no, I could not! It's my jeans, I thought, so peeled them off to be standing in the change room in a pair of black knickers and over the knee boots with frills on the top - yes, looking like a (I'd like to say 'high-class'...but god knows...) hooker. Still couldn't get them zipped up. Sensing defeat and a possible weeping, I emerged from the change room. 'How'd you go?" asked the sales chick. Wiping away a tear, I declared I couldn't do them up. 'Try a bigger size,' she suggested.
I did and I managed... in my undies. Not exactly certain how I'd get them on with even a pair of tights - but I was committed!
So, a few days later, I tackled the boots for work. I selected a pair of leggings and a pink tutu.
Does anyone remember as a teenager, lying on their bed and using a coat hanger to do up high waisted jeans that were far too tight? Well never mind the coat hanger but I have discovered lying on the bed and putting my leg in the air forces my fat calf to elongate just enough to get the zips done up. Try it. It really works!
I got to work and my legs were utterly numb but god those boots made a statement! I worded up my nearby colleagues - should I suddenly collapse, call the ambulance and unzip the boots - good chance it'd be deep vein thrombosis!!!!
Do you have any unbearably fabulous items in your wardrobe??
2 comments:
This is so you MWW. I can just picture you! Luckily I was blessed with slim calves clearly designed for boots. Is that why I wear them all winter?
I have also worn boots all winter - I've just had to squeeze my fat bits into them and hope to christ the suede eventually gives enough to stop causing pins and needles!!!
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