Cleo & Rob

I was thrilled when my friend and renowned author, Helen Brown asked me to launch her new book, Cleo & Rob. This is the children's version of her book Cleo, which tells the true story of the small black cat that rescued Helen's family after her oldest son, Sam, died in a tragic accident.

Cleo has been translated into over 16 languages and has sold more than two million copies, clearly touching many people around the world - and the children's version is equally as powerful.

Helen and I met when she and her family moved into the house across the street about twenty years ago - after Sam and before Jaz and George had died. Here's what I had to say on why this seemingly regular children's book is in fact, so important.

Helen and I share a special bond – we’re part of the club that no family wants to belong to – those that have lost children. There isn't a name for this status – for the mothers, the fathers, the sibling, grandparents, cousins.

People are uncomfortable with death. And the more we avoid talking about it, the longer it stays shrouded, buried and feared. It’s not just our fear of death itself, but the fear of making other people uncomfortable, that prevents us from sharing our stories.

Most people know someone who’s lost a loved one, and yet social norms force us to quickly skate over the surface with impersonal platitudes like ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or ‘Terrible news about John.’ While these acknowledgments are well-intended and often appreciated, they don’t really help

Put another way, we have a group of people who’ve experienced the death of someone close, fearful of upsetting those around them by talking about it. And the people around them are fearful of bringing the topic up because they don’t want to upset the person who’s grieving. And that’s just not helpful.

We need to find a way to bridge this gap.

If you were building a house, organising a party or even having a baby - you’d have a bank of other people’s experiences that had been shared over the years to draw on. And you probably wouldn’t hesitate to phone a friend to better prepare yourself for what’s ahead.

It’s through these shared experiences, of all facets of life, that we learn to cope and accept and feel connected.

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Death might be the penultimate unmentionable, but the death of a child is the ultimate. There’s no conciliatory ‘At least they had a great innings’ – because they didn’t. It just doesn’t follow the expected rules of nature – the Lion King’s circle of life, if you will.

But like Helen, I do tell people about my children. Not all the time and not every time, but if asked how many children I have and the mood takes me, I’ll spill the beans. I’ve had people shocked into silence, a heart-felt acknowledgment and even been thanked for sharing.

And if adults have trouble talking about death, imagine how that mystery is translated by children.

Death is a fact of life, and it can happen at any age. But we don’t tell children that. Of course, we hope it doesn’t happen that way, but it might.

If the concept of death is introduced at an early age, discussed in a matter-of-fact tone on regular, relevant occasions, understanding and familiarity replace fear and mystery. As part of this conversation, it’s important to convey that if and when a death occurs, that life goes on. It’s not the same life, it is irrevocably changed – but in time, there will be joy and happiness, laughter…  and even cats!

It’s exactly this important story that Helen has tenderly captured in her new book, Cleo & Rob. She hasn’t shied away from the depths of sadness surrounding Sam’s death but thoughtfully stepped through the process we go through when someone dies. The disbelieve, anxiety, isolation and withdrawal, before the re-emergence and reconnection, all seen through the eyes of her younger son, Rob. Beautifully illustrated by Phoebe, it’s a very important story to tell.

My hope is that this book will not only introduce children to the concept of death, grief and recovery but that it will spark the conversation in families and among friends. We need to be able to tell our stories without the fear of upsetting someone, to learn to listen and come to terms with death – even that of a child.

Author Helen Brown (right) with illustrator, Phoebe Morris

Helen told me that some media interviewers were clearly very uncomfortable with the theme of her new book. I said it reminded me of when I didn't eat olives (yes, really!). My mother suggested I eat six in a row and she was right - I now really like them. So I suggest that people uncomfortable with reading this book, should sit themselves down and read it - six times in a row!!

Cleo & Rob is available at many bookstores, on and offline, including Amazon