And once you're on the kit register, they just keep coming.... although you do have to fork out $35 to participate, which I think is a small price to pay to have some poor sucker test your poo and have the peace of mind that everything is running tickety-boo.
Being the eternal optimist and reminding the kids regularly that 'we don't do drama', I wasn't fazed when the GP left me a cheery message to say my poo-test was positive and he was booking me in for colonoscopy. (Know now, BTW, that my optimism was warranted - I won't wait to the end to say that!)
I know heaps of peeps who've been through this, so I suppose it was just my turn.
The lead up is not fun.
Two days prior, you can pretty much eat chicken and white rice.
I also had a call from the admissions person from the hospital who ran through all the usual questions of my medical history. When I asked what time I could be picked up from the hospital, she said it would depend on how I was feeling. Violated? I proffered... she did laugh. (I actually stole that from Geoff's brother who's also been through this.)
One day prior, after a couple of slices of white bread toast, you get to eat NOTHING!!! I am not good at not eating. I love food. And on the evening prior, you get to drink the 'preparation.'
I had purchased the sachets of powder at the chemist and even the girl behind the counter couldn't help make gags like Don't make any plans after you've taken this!!
I drank all three sachets at the hourly intervals as instructed and a couple of hours after that - O...M...G!!!
Geoff's tip was track pants and no undies. I went with the first and not the second.
The response is urgent and liquid and the risk of sharting (a fart where you 'follow through'... you can work it out...) immense.
I fell into bed about 11, only to be woken by severe stomach cramps about 1am. Again, I poised myself on the loo. By this stage I was dehydrated beyond belief (you were supposed to drink water between sachets but they made me feel so sick I didn't) and in grave danger of passing out. It was freezing but I was sweating and clammy. Death was looking attractive. I was in so much pain I started weeping - I hadn't felt this wretched since giving birth. I couldn't even stand up to reach a towel or the bathmat to lie on the floor I was so weak. On and on it went....
Sometime later, I floated out of the bathroom, a mere shadow of my former self, and collapsed into bed.
The alarm went off early. I was due at the hospital at 7.15. The actual process and procedure were fine as you're under a general anaesthetic so one minute you're chatting and a moment later you're being woken up in recovery.
I mentioned to the doctor my violent reaction to the preparation product. That doesn't sound right, he said, next time, try the orange flavoured one.
That's next year so I'll let you know if that helps. I can hardly wait!
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