The Edge

What a couple of weeks. I have done The Trip Part VIII but need to find some pics. It's unusual for me to say I haven't had time but really, I have been a little pressed.

So, my first two weeks as being gainfully unemployed and it wasn't exactly as expected.

I finished work with only two weeks notice because my gorgeous boy was scheduled for spinal surgery. His sister, Jazzy -angel had spinal surgery over 3 years ago and by comparison, I had assumed this would be fairly straight forward.

In spite of the actual operation going for much longer than I expected - like nearly 2 hours more than my calculation - he was straight onto the ward and all was going well; out of bed, physio, etc. Two days later he was extremely restless; turned out one of the drugs can cause hallucinations and he was one of those ones. He tossed around and sat up and twisted and leapt around like a Mexican bean - all after back surgery - eek. Things continued to unravel as his oxygen levels kept dipping. I left him at about 10.30pm, reasonably settled - but we were both exhausted and I needed to lie down.

The hospital called just after midnight to say they'd moved him to ICU. It wasn't unexpected but a real bummer. They rang again at 2am to say they were intubating him and putting him on a ventilator. Fuck!! I get out of bed and throw on a bra and some jeans and drive in (conveniently we're only 20 minutes away in the middle of the night). They won't let me see him as they're still doing the 'procedure'. I'm shown to a waiting room and lie down on a small vinyl couch in bright fluorescent light and fall asleep. 

I'm woken after 4am and jump up in fright. I arrive in the room and feel feint. "Are you okay with all this equipment?' asks the nurse. "I'm fine, I just got up too fast." I'm not sure she believes me but in truth, unfortunately, I've seen it all before.

A day later and doctor comes and sits beside me. 'We're worried about your son.' WTF?? I'm the mother, I'm the one who's meant to be worried, you're the one who's meant to be calming and reassuring. His infection is rampant and his organ function is now being compromised. Later, I speak to another doctor who manages my expectations - he will get worse before he gets better. And what if his kidneys don't pick up? "Dialysis'.  I'm sorry - I don't remember ticking that box. No thanks. And liver? Well..... and I get the picture.

I'm there all day - still wearing the T-shirt I went to bed in. This day is just awful. Hideous. My son and I are both on the edge. My sister in law happens to turn up - just her - which is good as I'm extremely fragile and she's the right person at the right time.

The next day he is worse - but only marginally thank goodness. The day turns to stable and stable is extremely good news for me for now.

Five more days in ICU and we're finally home. He officially has a screw lose - from the day of hallucinations - but if it heals like that he should be fine. The compromise is a metal brace 24/7 but with morphine, we winning that one too.

It's been a hell of a ride, but fingers cross we're over the worst of it now and we can get back to the trip in a day or two - which believe me, may have been significantly less exciting but a hell of a lot more fun.